Cover Up The Damage
by Chocolate Scones
Summary: The public believe that Morgana le Fay has it all; she's stunningly beautiful, envied by most women and fancied by most men, she's going out with 'Britain's sexiest man' and she's a world-renowned pianist. But something has just blown her world apart.
1. Prologue

**So this is for Laura Elizabeth who has not only been a wonderful reviewer in the past, but has become a friend across the Atlantic and has helped my so much by being my beta =) Also thank you to all of those lovely people who have reviewed my past Merlin fics =)  
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**Warnings- Pre-fic incest (Nothing graphic) and expletives. Oh and this ain't gonna be a fluffy fic! =P**

**I didn't have enough space in the summary to say that this is a modern AU, but you probably could have guessed that! =P  
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**1. Prologue**

Merlin lay in bed, staring up at the murky ceiling. He started to notice random patches of… something forming that he hadn't noticed before. Great.

He sighed as the eleven o'clock Paddington to Plymouth ran past his window, making his entire bedroom shake. The joys of being a student! Still, at least maybe now he could get some sleep.

"Or maybe not." He said aloud as he heard a knock at the door, "Who is it?"

"Merlin?" A familiar Irish lilt came from outside the door, "Merlin it's me. Can I come in?"

He sat up sharply and started to fumble around for the light switch and a pair of pants.

"Sure, yes, Morgana, come in!"

The door opened to reveal the raven-haired beauty. Her hair was a mess, her eyes were bright red and she seemed as miserable as hell. And yet somehow, she seemed even more beautiful than ever.

"Do you mind… do you mind if I stay here for the night?"

"Sure, yes. Are you alright?" He stood up and went over to her.

She nodded, closing the door. "I'm fine… I don't want to talk about it."

He went over to the kettle and filled it with water. His mum had always told him that a good cup of tea could brighten up anyone's day. Morgana had been entertained by near royalty, but he knew that whilst she was sat there sipping champagne with some of the biggest names in the world of classical music, a part of her would rather be at home with a cup of tea. Not that she didn't love all of the attention and the grandeur in her life. Merlin brought his attention back to the version of Morgana who was stood here in front of him now, "Is it Arthur?" It was always Arthur with Morgana, "Have you… have you and Arthur broken up or something?"

She suddenly burst into tears.

"I'll take that as a yes." He went over to Morgana and took her to his bed. His nose wrinkled, "Have you been sick?"

"Yes," she murmured.

"Have you been drinking?" he asked. Morgana shook her head, "Are you pregnant?" he asked.

Her eyes widened, "Oh God… I think I'm going to be sick again!"

He ran and got her a bucket, placing it at the side of the bed, "Are you going to be okay?"

"I'll take the sofa Merlin; I can't boot you out of your own bed." She started to stand up but Merlin pushed her back down.

"Don't worry about it. I mean, I know that this doesn't quite compare to what you're used to; the posh hotels or your mansion up the road, but-"

"It's not that bad Merlin." She tried to smile.

"Your twelve bedroom mansion compared to my scuzzy little bed sit?"

"It's not a mansion!" she said defensively.

"It's got twelve bedrooms!" he argued while getting out two mismatched, chipped mugs.

She sighed, lying down, "Why is everything so shit Merlin?"

"That's just the way it is I'm afraid." He stirred the one and a half sugars into the milky cup of tea, just the way she liked it. "If you need to talk Morgana, I'm here for you."

"I'm fine." She replied, her voice cracking. She thanked Merlin as he handed her the cup of tea. She took a sip but found that it made her want to throw up again.

"Okay." Merlin took the mug back from her and poured it back down the sink. "Do you want anything to eat? It might make you feel better."

She shook her head, pulling the blanket up to her chin, "No thank you, I'd really just rather get to sleep."

"Sure." Merlin pulled his damp, old sleeping bag out of the cupboard and dragged it over to the sagging sofa.

"Thank you so much for this Merlin." She laid back, took a deep breath, and tried not to cry.

He smiled sympathetically before he switched out the light, "Goodnight Morgana."

*****

Hours passed. Morgana and Merlin lay wide awake, staring at the dark ceiling. Merlin heard the occasional sniffle coming from the bed. He was desperate to know what was wrong; Morgana le Fay didn't get upset like that, not even over Arthur Pendragon. In fact, he couldn't remember ever seeing her like that before.

The mutual silence went on. Merlin wondered if it was something to do with Uther; he hadn't exactly been comfortable with the idea of Morgana and Arthur dating, but it had been over a year now. Surely he'd come to terms with the relationship by now?

"Arthur's my brother," came a quiet voice from the other side of the room.

Merlin wondered if he was fully awake. "Sorry?"

"My mother had an affair, Gorlois wasn't my dad, Uther is." Her voice had a calm tone to it.

Merlin was more or less speechless; "Oh shit" was his response.

"Yeah." Morgana agreed.

"Shit." He couldn't think of anything else to say.

Morgana turned over, "I can't say that that was my reaction exactly, but I definitely see where you're coming from. This is so fucked up." Her throat filled with sobs.

It was now Merlin's turn to reply, "Yeah."

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**So there we have it!**

**Please tell me what you make of it! Any reviews would be love! =D  
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	2. Fraction of the Girl

**Hey!**

**Thank you Laura for beta-ing this and for the extra-amazing review XD Thank you to Nicky (PixieHead) for reading even though you haven't watched the whole series (catching up now though =P ) and thanks to FoxieRoxie, Blonderella and CasualThatrics for your lovely reviews =)**

**By the way. the title of the fic's from the Pink song 'Long Way To Happy'**

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**2. Fraction of the Girl  
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Morgana lay in the deep bath, imagining that the soapy water was rinsing all of her troubles away. She didn't know how long she'd been lying there just letting the water run over her slightly raised stomach. She watched the water swirl and ripple around the bath, running free yet trapped inside the deep container. Salty tears streamed from her closed eyes and merged with the lukewarm water.

"Morgana?" Merlin knocked on the door, "Morgana are you okay?"

She opened her eyes but found that she couldn't speak. Instead, a large sob emerged from her mouth.

"Morgana? There's people waiting for the shower," he said worriedly. He looked at his watch; she'd been in there for over an hour. "Morgana I'm going to come in, I need to check that you're alright." He knew that the lock on the door was on its last legs and would only need a slight shove from someone to break it.

After a few minutes of deliberation, he crashed through the door and ran over to the bath. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Morgana's beautiful face lying just under the water's surface, her ebony hair splaying out all around her. An image of Ophelia seeped into his mind. He couldn't seem to get to the bath quickly enough. It was as if everything was in slow motion, and he was running through tar. He finally dragged her naked, frozen body out of the water onto the cold tiled floor.

"Morgana!" he grabbed her face, moving his ear to her mouth to listen for signs of life. "Oh God Morgana!" He tried to remember his first aid classes from when he did the Duke of Edinburgh Award scheme back in year 12, but it was all a fatal blur. "Help!" He shouted, "I need some help!"

Suddenly Morgana started to cough and splutter and it was the most wonderful sound Merlin had ever heard. "Thank God," he whispered. He grabbed the nearest towel and wrapped it around her shaking body. "What the hell were you playing at Morgana?" He held her ivory face between his shaking hands.

"What's going on?" A face appeared at the door.

Merlin looked around, "Lance, you need to ring an ambulance."

"Is that Morgana le Fay?" His eyes almost popped out of their sockets at the sight of the world-wide celebrity lying naked on his bathroom floor.

Morgana took some deep breaths, "No ambulances, no hospitals." She looked up at Merlin's worried face, "Please Merlin." She begged

Merlin looked into her eyes, struggling with the decision, "Okay, but I'm ringing Gaius."

"No! He'll tell Uther. Please don't," she begged.

He attempted to pick her up to take her back to his room, "Look, it's that or the hospital." Merlin still couldn't get his head around what had just happened. "What were you thinking?"

"Do you want me to carry her?" Lance asked. When he got a reply he slowly picked up the trembling beauty.

Merlin followed them upstairs, pulling out his mobile and calling speed dial #3.

"Hi, it's Merlin, I…yeah, I'm fine, Gaius I need you to come to my place right away, It's Morgana… I don't know, she's had an accident… she's conscious, but… I just need you to get here."

*****

"What's all this about then?" Gaius asked Morgana. He looked at the pale body lying under numerous duvets and blankets, a fraction of the girl he had seen only three days before.

He remembered her as a child when she had visited Camelot with her father. He remembered her running around the Pendragon mansion, playing hit with Arthur, her father pinning her down so that Arthur could tickle her. She was an unruly, wonderful little girl. When Gorlois died and Morgana returned to Camelot, she was a different child. Morose and quiet, she didn't even respond to her new little brother's taunts anymore, well, not for a few weeks anyway. She spent days in her new room, not wanting to leave. She didn't cry though, at least not while anyone was around. As she grew into a teenager, she adapted to her new life with the Pendragon's. They often saw hints of that troublesome eight year old that they once knew, but there was always an air of sadness about her. Of course the seven year long emo phase didn't help with that.

Morgana bit her lip, unsure of whether she wanted to divulge her woes to Gaius, "I… I… I'd rather not talk about it." She turned away from the doctor.

Gaius sat down beside her, "Morgana, you can talk to me, you know you can."

Morgana pulled herself up, "You probably already know anyway."

'_He's finally told her?'_ He thought, "Know what?" he asked just in case.

"About my father. You knew didn't you?" She tried to hold back her tears, "You knew that Uther's my father."

Gaius bowed his head, "I'm afraid I did, yes."

"You knew," she started shaking in confusion and anger, "You knew that Arthur was my brother and you let us… you let me fall in love with him?"

Gaius stood up. For the past year, those who knew Uther's secret had been in turmoil over the knowledge that these perfect lovers had more in common than they had ever thought, "We just… we just didn't want you to get hurt."

Morgana laughed in disbelief, finding a sudden energy from somewhere, "You didn't want me to get hurt?! Then why didn't you tell us a year ago when you found out that we were… that we were… I can't even say it!!"

"We didn't think the relationship would go anywhere… neither of you had ever had a long term relationship before… the longer it went on-"

"The harder it became, yes, I heard this all last night thank you; it doesn't change anything!" she could no longer hold back the tears, "You have no idea what you've done to me."

*****

"What d'you want?" A drunken growl came from the opposite end of the phone call.

"Arthur, it's me Merlin."

He heard a crash, "Look Merlin, now's really not a good time."

"I'm with Morgana; she's told me what's happened." Merlin couldn't imagine how hard this was for the pair. He got no response, "She's in a bad way… Arthur, I think she tried to drown herself. She's alright now but, Arthur, maybe you should come and see her."

There was another long pause before he answered, "Or maybe you should come and get pissed with me."

Merlin coughed uncomfortably, "Arthur, it's not even midday yet."

"Suit yourself." And with that, he was gone.

*****

Morgana curled up underneath the thick blankets, remembering what things were like only twenty-four hours ago. For a few moments she was back in her own bed, Arthur at her side. The two had slept in, feeling content with the world. Morgana was harbouring a secret…a happy secret. She kept imagining how she'd tell Arthur and how happy he'd be, _"I have something to tell you Arthur," _she giggled

"_Really? What's that then?" _he wrapped his arms around her.

"_I'll tell you tonight,"_ she smiled.

"_But I want to know now!" _Arthur whined like a little child,_ "You know you want to Mor."_

"_No!" _she laughed,_ "You'll have to wait!"_

"Morgana? Are you feeling any better?" Merlin returned to his room.

She shrugged, "Physically, a little."

Merlin sat down on the bed beside her, "I'm so sorry Morgana."

Gaius joined them, "Morgana, I am curious, why did Uther finally decide to tell you?"

Morgana stood up and went to look out of the window to watch the traffic go past, "He found a pregnancy test."

There were a few moments of shocked silence, "Are you…" Merlin asked

She shook her head, still looking away from the men, a tear running down her cheek. "No."

"If you are Morgana-" Gaius began.

"I'm not!" her head snapped back towards them, "It was still in the box; I guess the…the _incest_ finally hit home and became too much for him."


	3. Purity of Feeling

**Sorry for the wait in between the last chapter and this one! **

**A massive thank you to my lovely beta Laura, and hugs to Foxie Roxie and PixieHead for reviewing XD**

**By the way, this chapter mentions Morgana playing the piano. If you want to visualise that, then this might help! www [dot] youtube [dot] com [slash] watch?v=gHz4OjARK88 (Replace the []s with dots and slashes =) ).**

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**3. Purity of Feeling**

The wind howled through the trees and the clouds disappeared from the night's sky. Arthur stared up at the stars, imagining that he was up there with them, a billion miles away from this shit. He didn't know how he'd ended up in a child's play park, his memories of the hours leading up to this moment began and ended with alcohol. A half remembered phone conversation drifted into his head as he watched the roundabout spin by itself in the wind.

"Morgana." He whispered; a painful name. Was she hurt? What had Merlin said? He couldn't remember…

Slowly he sat up, leaning against the pirate ship. As he looked around he realised that he was in the park by the quay. He almost laughed; this was where Morgana was happiest when she was a child. She had always insisted that she was too old for play parks, but he knew that it was just part of her act.

He looked around for paparazzi and was pleased to see that he was alone; They'd swarmed around him the night before.

He noticed a ribbon tied to the bough of a tree and the memories of the alcohol fuelled night before came flooding back to him; Whenever they came to the park when they were younger, Morgana took an emerald ribbon from her hair and tied it to the branch, and Arthur responded by tying a red one next to it. It was a funny little tradition; Morgana had always detested the ribbons that her father had made her wear, but once he had died she couldn't bear to throw them away. Arthur still had his stash of red ribbons bought especially for these occasions underneath his bed. He didn't remember where the original red ribbon had come from, but he knew that the ribbon tree would always be his and Morgana's special thing, an unspoken symbol of love. Not sexual or brotherly love, but just the purity of feeling.

He had come to the park in the hope that Morgana would be there with her ribbon, but his ribbon was the only one there. He could imagine her sitting on the swing, moving back and forth, half hoping that he'd turn up, her mind filled with guilt, disgust and love.

He loved her so much and it was so, so wrong. He knew that he would never be able to stop feeling this way about her. He wished he could stop, he wished he could get the images of her naked form out of his head, because she was so beautiful, but she was his _sister_.

*****

Morgana sat in the chair by Merlin's window, watching the busy world fly by, unknowing of the grief being felt by the Pendragons.

_ The Pendragons. _One of the worst parts of this was that she was no longer a Le Fay and she never truly had been. Her father wasn't her father.

"Do you think he knew?" Morgana asked, still looking out of the window.

Merlin looked around from his computer, "Sorry?"

"My father, do you think he knew that I wasn't his?" she refused to let her voice tremble as she said this.

"You are his Morgana; you always have and you always will be. You can't let go of him."

Morgana looked down and fiddled with the ring that she wore on her right thumb. Her father's ring. She stood up suddenly, and walked over to the door before spinning back around, almost falling to the floor in a fit of anger, "I hate it Merlin! I hate _him, _I hate Uther."

Merlin went over to her, "I know Morgana."

"Please don't touch me Merlin." she said calmly, tiredly. She sank down to the floor, "People are going to know." she said after a pause, "We're one of Britain's most famous yet private couples, he's the top celebrity entrepreneur." she brought her hand to her forehead, trying to rub away an oncoming headache, "The tabloids love a good incest story when it comes to the rich and famous Merlin's phone rang, "Hello? Arthur?"

Morgana's eyes widened, "Is he okay?"

"You should get back to bed," he told her before leaving the room.

"Was that Morgana? Is she okay?" Arthur asked intently.

Merlin sat down in the corridor outside his room, "She's getting there, physically, that is. Arthur, I don't know if you remember me calling you yesterday, but we think Morgana attempted to commit suicide. We think she tried to drown herself."

"I remember." Arthur said solemnly, holding back the burning tears.

*****

Merlin approached the park and saw Arthur staring into the distance. Due to it being 9 o'clock on an overcast Tuesday morning the park was empty apart from a few pigeons.

"Arthur you look terrible."

"How is she?" he asked miserably, not looking up at his friend.

Merlin didn't reply to his question, "Morgause wants her to stay at her apartment."

"A month ago Morgana didn't have any family at all…" he drifted off, thinking about the discovery that Uther's major business rival and Morgana shared a mother; it all seemed tiny in comparison to the more recent revelations.

"Arthur-"

"Don't Merlin."

*****

Morgana lay in her sisters arms, half wishing that it was her other sibling embracing her before feeling the urge to throw up again.

"Please come and stay with me Gana," Morgause stroked her thick raven hair.

Morgana shrugged, "At this moment in time, I really don't care where I go or who I stay with." There was a pause, "Do you know where Arthur's staying?"

"I don't, sorry." She changed the subject, "Have you ever gone for this long without playing the piano before?"

Her first memory of Morgana consisted of an angsty teenager playing the most ferocious rendition of Chopin Etude Option 25 Number 10 she had ever heard (She had recognised it instantly due to the hours she had spent trying to perfect it when she was a teenager. She was a talented pianist herself, but Morgana was something else.)

"I don't really feel like playing anymore." Morgana sat up, moving away from her sister.

"You're supposed to be flying out to America in two days Morgana." Morgause reached out to her.

She moved further away, "I'll cancel the recital, okay?!"

"But it's Carnegie Hall Mor-"

"I know what it is!" she suddenly exploded, "But do you honestly think I care?" she stormed out of the room, slamming the door.

"Yes!" Morgause shouted after her, running into the corridor, "Yes I do! You can't throw your whole life away over this Morgana!"

She stopped in her tracks, "Over _this_?!" She turned around, "Do you honestly know what _this_ means? What _this_ is doing to my head?" She broke down.

Morgause clutched her little sister and held her to her chest, "I'm sorry Morgana… I'm just trying to help."

"I know. I'll come and stay with you." She relented, "But I'm not going to America… I've played there before, I'll play there again."

Morgause smiled comfortingly, "I'll look after you Morgana, I promise."

*****

Merlin watched as Arthur tossed and turned on his sofa, sleeping off the alcohol. Though watching Morgana sleep was a prettier sight to say the least, he now knew that they were both safe. Morgause would take good care of Morgana; he doubted that she would take her eyes off her over the next few days, making sure that she didn't try anything stupid.

Morgause was a strange creature; to most she seemed rather ferocious and threatening (but then most successful businesswomen probably did, Merlin considered), even the mighty Uther had been scared of her at times (and with good reason too), but with Morgana she was a different woman; she was loving and caring, she knew that she had suffered such great loss in her life time and she didn't want her to ever feel any pain again. Merlin feared what she would do now.

Getting bored, he turned on the television. He flicked through the channels, trying to find something other than a monotonous daytime television programme to watch. As he came to a news channel he was faced with a picture of Morgana and Arthur, hand in hand.

"_-the heir and the pianist have been dating for around a year. The fairytale has ended in a sickening way. It is not known why Mr Pendragon did not tell them of their true relationship. All public appearances due to be made by the family have been cancelled until further notice."_

He turned onto the next channel;

_"-rumours that Le Fay is pregnant have been strongly refuted by the family's press officer. It is not known whether either Arthur or Morgana will be taking legal action, their father and-"_

*****

_Their father. _

Morgana started to shake, "My father is Gorlois le Fay." She whispered to no one. She felt an anger rise within her, the burning feelings of the night before rushed back into her veins. She couldn't handle it anymore.

*****

Morgause heard a crash coming from downstairs followed by a sickening scream, "Morgana!" she ran downstairs, _was it Uther, was he here?_

She entered the living room to find Morgana alone, flying around the room, tearing it apart, a red mist shrouding her.

"Morgana stop!" she ran over to her sister, grabbing her arms trying to restrain her. Morgana threw her whole body around, trying to escape her grasp, "Morgana please!" she kept a firm grip and pulled her to the floor, "You've got to calm down sweetie." She stroked her hair, shushing her and gently rocking her as her slender body became limp.

"I don't understand." Morgana whispered, trying to blink her tears away.

"Neither do I." Morgause sighed. She had become a hardened woman over the years, she had to, but seeing her sister in pain filled her with so much emotion, breaking all of her barriers.

"It's all over the news… how did they find out?" Morgana asked, a glassy expression on her face.

Morgause shrugged, "Everyone wants to know about 'Armor'… you're an _it_ couple, people like to know what's going on with you. You should know, the amount of paparazzi that follow you around sometimes."

"We _were_ an _it_ couple. We never asked to be, we never wanted any of that! Do you know how hard it's been for me to gain credibility in the classical world when there are constantly photos of me in _'HELLO!' _and _'OK!'_?" She wiped the tears from her eyes, moving away from Morgause a little, "I just want a normal life, I want to be successful in what I do and most of all, I want Arthur… but that's all impossible isn't it?"

"You are successful in what you do Gana; you're a world class pianist."

Morgana turned to look at her, "That wasn't my point Morgause." She stood up and surveyed the damage she had caused, "I'm sorry about this."

"Don't worry about it; it's all replaceable." She cringed as she noticed her favourite one-of-a-kind vase lying in fifty different pieces, "I can just… I'll just get another."

"Sorry." Morgana started to pick up the cushions off the floor, placing them back onto one of the sofas.

Morgause noticed a spot of blood on the edge of a piece of vase "What has he done to you?" Morgause asked solemnly, just out of range of Morgana's ears.


	4. Pieces

**Again, sorry for the long wait! I'm in the middle of exams at the moment (Spanish Speaking tomorrow... argh!!!) and things will be quicker once they are over and done with!!**

**Thank you my bestests Nicky (PixieHead) and Laura =D And to Foxie Roxie and CasualTheatrics

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**4. Pieces  
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Arthur sat in his car outside his house for hours, waiting for his father to leave. He knew that this might take a while due to the fact that the house contained its own meeting and conference rooms. He didn't imagine that he would be taking too many meetings today though, "Though I wouldn't put it past him to hold a press conference." He muttered to himself.

Merlin joined him in the car after a while, "Do you want me to go in there? I know where all of your stuff is."

"You think I'd wear anything that you picked out?" he asked, not intentionally being cruel. After a while he said, "Morgana and I had just started viewing houses together. We were going to get away from here as soon as I finished my degree, have our own place."

"Shouldn't you be at uni now?" Merlin asked unhelpfully.

Arthur glared at him in response. After a moment he turned to look into the living room of the mansion. It was quite a way away on account of the large drive, but he could just about make out Morgana's piano, her pride and joy, "She'll want that back soon. I wonder if she'll be flying to America tomorrow?" he pondered.

Merlin shook his head, "She's cancelled all upcoming performances and appearances."

"Oh." Was all that Arthur could think of to say. He sighed, "She was planning on doing another degree."

"Really?" Merlin asked, not overly interested.

Arthur nodded, "She said that she wanted the 'real university experience'… I'm not entirely sure what that is, but she assured me that it wasn't studying the piano at the Royal Academy at the age of sixteen." He smiled as he remembered her saying this, "She wanted to study English Literature in Exeter."

"You were planning on moving out of Camelot?" Merlin asked, a little offended that his best friend hadn't informed him of this any earlier.

He shrugged, "She seemed to go off the idea about a week ago… said she thought that this probably wasn't the best time to start at uni again. She didn't really go into any more detail than that… The other morning, the morning before… you know… Morgana was teasing me, saying that she had something big to tell me. I think she was going to announce it at dinner that night…" He sighed, "However some other revelations got in the way."

"He can be so thick sometimes." Morgana sighed after Merlin had told her about his and Arthur's earlier conversation. She stared up at the full moon, the wind rustling through her hair.

Merlin had a thing about balconies… they never looked quite safe enough. However he had joined Morgana out on Morgause's when she had appeared reluctant to come back inside, "What do you mean?"

Morgana was unsure whether to tell him, "I can trust you, can't I?" She looked into his eyes.

"Of course you can." Merlin smiled. After a second he realised that he would have to keep whatever she was about to tell him a secret from Arthur.

"People can't know about this… no-one can know." Her tears glistened in the moonlight, "Can't you guess Merlin? I told him that I had something big to tell him and then that evening we had, to put it lightly, a big argument stemming from the discovery of a pregnancy test." She looked away from him, not wanting to see his reaction.

"Wha- But- Oh shit…" He was just as dumbfounded as he had been two nights before, "You said that you weren't though! You said that you hadn't even opened the box!"

"There is the possibility that I bought more than one test Merlin!" She snapped before instantly calming, "Sorry. I didn't admit it then because Gaius was there."

"So you're pregnant." He said it out loud.

"Yes." She whispered, "I'm pregnant with Arthur's baby. My own brother's." She had finally admitted it to herself. She burst into tears.

Despite the amount of tears he had seen coming from Morgana's eyes over the past couple of days, he still wasn't quite sure how to deal with it, "What are you going to do?" Merlin asked, awkwardly putting his arm around her shoulder.

"I can't get rid of it." She sobbed, "I love him to much for that." She lay back in Merlin's arms, "I had known that I was pregnant for a few days before I had decided to tell Arthur… I had already started planning things in my head. We were going to be a family… a perfect family that neither Arthur nor I had had in the past. I was euphoric."

"That's why you decided not to go to university again?" The pieces were slotting together.

"I just wanted to concentrate on being a mother. I was so happy with my life Merlin! I could deal with the press and all of the crap, because I would have all that I've ever wanted." Her hand hovered down to her stomach, "With a childhood like mine, you grow up with so many insecurities, ones that you don't even realise that you have until something comes along that just makes everything right… I knew that it could all be blown apart with, you know, a miscarriage or something, but I had never even comprehended something like this happening."

Merlin had always known that Morgana was a bit messed up; When she was a mere infant she had watched her mother slowly succumb to cancer and less than four years later the news was brought to her that her father had been killed whilst doing business in the Middle-East. She had hated being forced to move to England and she had tried to reject it as much as possible, even now straining to keep her childhood accent. She had hated having to live with Uther, thinking him arrogant and pigheaded and had taken an instant dislike to his son. She hadn't gotten along with anyone at school particularly well apart from Gwen who had come along about two years after she had moved. She dressed strangely, she was introverted and she had put everything into her piano, trying to push everyone around her away. Of course this became harder to do as she got older, more sophisticated, more beautiful and more popular. She had eventually accepted her life in Camelot, but it wasn't until she found that true connection with Arthur eighteen months ago that she had appeared to be truly happy.

Merlin had been trusted with a secret to do with Morgana and Arthur in the past; the couple had conducted their affair in secret at first with only and Gwen knowing about it. Perhaps if he had told someone about it earlier, then Uther would have put a stop to it. But it wasn't his place.

"How could he do this to me Merlin?" Morgana asked, desperately wanting an answer.


	5. Pillow of Broken Glass

**Massive apologies for the wait! Exams are nearly over now (Last one on Friday... argh!)! Thanks for sticking with the fic! Laura, Nicky, Foxie Roxie, CasualTheatrics, princesshyper, silvermantella and XXBestfriend1XX, you are all very lovely and you make me blush! **

**Sooooo without furthur ado, it's confrontation time! Enjoy!**

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**5. Pillow of Broken Glass  
**

Morgana stood staring at the front door, not quite knowing how long she'd been there for. Merlin had told her that Arthur had waited for Uther to leave before he went in to get some things, but she wasn't scared of him, she wouldn't hide.

She was no longer aware of the line of paparazzi that were leaning through the front gate, trying to get a good picture of her. Everyone loved a good crisis for the country's richest and most perfect family.

She flinched as the door before her was slowly opened, "Morgana? Are you going to be standing there for much longer?"

Not looking into his eyes, she stepped inside, "I've come to get some of my things. Could you have the piano sent over to Morgause's house please?" She walked past him.

"Morgana-"

She spun around, "Uther. Or should I call you daddy?" She glared at him. She scanned his body. Clean shaven and as smart as ever, "You've not taken any time out of work then?"

"I'm on the verge of a big deal. Pendragon's is about to become the market leader in-"

"I really don't give a fuck Uther." She spat, "And neither should you, not at a time like this. Anyone looking at you wouldn't think that anything even slightly out of the ordinary had happened to you in the last couple of days."

"You're not going to Carnegie then?" He turned around and started walking through to the kitchen.

She suddenly tensed up and shut her eyes tightly, "Why does everyone keep asking me that?" She started to shake, "Doesn't anyone even begin to understand what's going through my head at the moment?"  
Uther was suddenly very worried about her, "Morgana, maybe you should sit down. I'll get you some water."

"Oh shut up Uther!" She cried, "Don't you get it? Carnegie hall is so, so tiny compared this!"

Uther stepped towards her, "I know that it might feel like it now, but I promise you that this isn't the end of the world." He lifted his hand to her shoulder.

She recoiled violently, "How dare you? How dare you dismiss what you've done to me? How dare you even come near me? You've ruined _everything_!" Her chest rose and fell quickly, her breath becoming increasingly laboured, "You're walking around as if nothing's happened, nothing at all!"

"We can't let the media get their story, I don't want pictures of us looking like we've hit rock bottom splashed across the tabloids!" Uther argued, getting angry with his daughter.

Morgana couldn't quite believe her ears, "They've got their fucking story Uther! It couldn't get any bigger than this! Don't you realise that? Try to cover up all the damage, put on a smiling face for the press, is that how you intend to get over this? It doesn't work like that Uther." She moved onto another subject, something that had been gnawing at her brain for the last three days, "Did my father know about this? When he was nursing my mother when she was dying, did he even know?"

"I… I don't know." Uther admitted.

"_You don't know._" She laughed hysterically, "And did Ygraine ever know? When you and she were trying so desperately for a child, did she know that one of her closest friends was being knocked up by her husband? I must have been born at around the same time that you found out that you were having Arthur. Is that why you never even saw me for the first few months of my life? I remember my father telling me about when he first brought me to England to meet my Uncle Uther and my new baby cousin."

"I was there for you, for both of you!" Uther sighed remembering the past. Of course he had been reminded of his past mistakes for every day of the last twenty one years.

"Financially maybe, but that doesn't mean that you were _there. _You have grown so used to lying, that you're not even sure of what the truth is any more!" She clutched her chest, "You've not apologised… not once."

"I never intended to hurt you Morgana. How do you expect me to profess feelings that aren't actually real, I won't do it. You're young, you'll get through this." He started to walk away again.

"You bastard!" She shouted after him. He continued to walk away, not looking back at her, "Look at me Uther! Look at me!" she screamed. Her breath rattled in her throat, "I'm pregnant Uther! So you tell me how I get through this!"

Arthur raised his hands to his eyes, "I'm not shaking." He observed.

Merlin looked up from his battered old laptop, "Umm… no, you're not. Should you be?" he asked, his brow furrowed a little.

Arthur shrugged, "You said that Morgana was shaking when you saw her yesterday. Shouldn't I be shaking? I mean, we're going through the same thing." He stood up and went to look through Merlin's front window, just as Morgana had two days previously.

'_Not quite the same thing', _Merlin thought a little guiltily; when he returned home last night Arthur had been eager to know what had happened, but Merlin had been forced to leave out some of the details. Though Arthur was his best friend, Morgana was so fragile right now and he didn't want to risk anything pushing her over the edge, "Maybe you're just coping with things little better," he offered, "I mean, you just found out that Morgana's your sister. She found out that you're her brother, Uther's her father, Gorlois wasn't and her mother wasn't the woman that she remembered."

"I suppose. I don't know how much respect she had left for her mother though after finding out about Morgause." Arthur moved towards Merlin a little anxiously, "But is she alright Merlin? Is she really alright?" His head was still an angry mess, but his concern for Morgana was beginning to overwhelm him, making him put aside his own grievances.

"She will be." Merlin said after a few seconds thought.

Arthur sat back down in a chair that was placed by the window, "I'll kill him for what he's done to us, I swear it."

"No you won't Arthur." Merlin said knowingly.

He put his head in his hands, "Why was I such a coward yesterday? Why didn't I face him?"

"Because you were doing the sensible thing."

'_Keeping away from Morgana would be 'the sensible thing'',_ he sighed, "Well stuff being sensible."

Morgana sat curled up on the edge her bed, shaking violently, her nails digging into the sides of her arms. It was a good thing she needed to keep them short for playing the piano. She didn't know what was happening to her. It was all moving so quickly, "I was so happy." She whispered, tears drowning her face, "How did I get here?" she knew that she was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

No-one understood, not even Merlin, how could they? How could even Arthur? He didn't have this baby growing inside him, something that she loved so desperately, but was some sort of abomination. He hadn't had the image of his dead mother desecrated forever. Arthur was the only thing in her life that kept her sane. She could have coped if they split up, if he'd had an affair or if it just hadn't worked out, there'd be other things, other people to support her, people who understood.

She thought about her sister, a master in business, defying the stereotype and generally kicking arse in the boardroom.

Then there was Gwen, going around, doing what she could for the world. Her most recent trip was funded by Morgana herself; she had set up an orphanage in Kenya and she had sent her best friend out to help run it for a few months. It had always been Gwen's life ambition to help starving children. Morgana smiled when she thought of Gwen, oblivious to what was happening back at home.

The women in her life were brilliant. She admired and envied them and to some extent, they were both happy. But she was lost, deep into the void, never to be recovered. Such darkness shrouded her, clouding her every thought. She just felt pain and anger and confusion and she couldn't ever remember what optimism felt like, "I don't want to know what it feels like." She knew that it was irrational, but it was hard to define what was and wasn't rational in the world she now found herself in.

She ran her fingers through her long raven hair. She started to tug at it, screaming at the world. She suddenly found small clumps of it in her hands. She turned her head to face to look into the large mirror that sat on the dressing table opposite her. She saw a twisted image of what she once was. She was malformed and ugly and just wrong. She leant over to pick it up before throwing it down onto the floor with as much forced as she could, letting out a long wail. It shattered immediately upon impact, shards of glass flying everywhere, a few razor sharp pieces cutting through the outer layers of her skin. One big piece lay on the floor in front of her. The eyes that were reflected in it bore into her.

She dived towards in, falling off her bed and landing in a pile of broken glass, "Stop staring at me!" She screamed hysterically, picking up the largest piece of mirror, hardly noticing it slice through her skin, "Leave me alone!" her voice turned into a whisper, "Leave me alone… please." She begged.

"Morgana?" she looked up to see Arthur standing at the door open mouthed, "Morgana you're bleeding!" he was rooted to the spot, shock at the sight he saw before him controlling his body momentarily.

"Just let me die." She whispered, resting her head on a pillow of broken glass, trying not to let who was standing at the door register, "I can't deal with this anymore… I don't want to have to deal with this; I just want it to end."

"What has he done to you?" He slowly walked over to her and stroked his hand down her face.

Morgana closed her eyes, breathing in the smell of his hand, comforted by it's warmth. As he started to pull his hand away she grabbed onto it, "Don't leave me Arthur."

"We can't do this." Arthur bit his bottom lip, "It's wrong."

She sat up and brought her bleeding hand to softly caress Arthur's cheek, "But it feels so right. It's felt more right that _anything_ else I have _ever _experienced_._"

A gentle tear landed on Morgana's hand, "I know." He stood up and slowly lifted her up, guiding her through to the en-suite bathroom. He sat her on the edge of the bath and ran a flannel under hot water and started to press it gently on her skin, "I think we'll have to take you to hospital; there's quite a bit of glass embedded in your skin."

Morgana sat shaking, staring into his eyes, "Am I going mad? She asked honestly, "I feel like I'm falling apart."

"You're not going mad." He rubbed the now scarlet flannel against her cheek, "I promise." His head slowly craned forwards. He laid his lips on hers. It was the most natural feeling in the world.

Morgana reciprocated the kiss; she wanted to stay like this forever, "I love you." She whispered, "I love you so much."

"No." he whispered. He suddenly came to his senses, pushing her away "No!"

Morgana lost her balance, falling back into the bathtub, "Arthur!" she cried, clutching her stomach.

"This is wrong!" he shouted before running out of the room, tears streaming down his face.

"Arthur!" she gasped, a sharp pain shooting through her body. She reached down, putting her hands down her trousers. She pulled out her fingers to find them covered in blood, "No." she whispered, "No, no, no!" she repeated. Her eyes were tired of crying and no more tears fell. She just lay there in her own blood, waiting for her own child to abandon her too.


	6. Completely Lost

**I had planned to post this a little earlier, sorry!**

**Thank you for all of your ridiculously amazing reviews! Thanks Nicky, CasualTheatrics, XXBestfriend1XX, Foxie Roxie, Emerald Sorceress and xGeminiGirlx! And thank you to Laura as ever for beta-ing and for just being wonderful! **

**I've had a bit of writers block with the last couple of chapters, so I've written a Silent Witness fic (that's worked in the past with this fic as I actually started writing it before my first Silent Witness fic) and I'll probably be posting the first chapter later tonight if Nicky's around to beta it. I'm going to attempt to finish this fic tomorrow!**

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**6. Completely Lost  
**

Morgause let out a long sigh after downing her second shot of whisky. She rubbed her temples, her head banging after a long day at work. She just wanted to be at home looking after her little sister, but Uther was close to stealing some of her major clients, and she wasn't going to let him damage her businesses as well as her sister.

After taking some paracetamol she made her way upstairs to check on her sister. Gaius had advised that she probably shouldn't leave Morgana alone, but Morgause, but she was an adult and she didn't believe that she had tried to commit suicide the day before last. She entered Morgana's bedroom to a rather shocking image before her; smashed glass streaked with blood, but not Morgana herself.

She followed a thin trail of blood through to the en suite. Her eyes barely registered what she saw before her, "Morgana?" she whispered. This was like a nightmare; her sister, the only person in the world that she cared about, lying in a shallow bath of blood, her eyes cold and glassy. She ran towards her, "Morgana!" she grabbed her cheeks, trying to find out if she was still breathing,

"I'm awake, get off me!" Morgana cried, pushing her sister away. She hadn't even noticed her sister coming into the room; she had become completely unaware of everything around her, her mind trying to block out every single little thing that had happened over the last three days.

"What's happened? Morgana where's all of this blood coming from? Have you hurt yourself?" She grabbed her wrists and scanned them quickly for any signs of self-inflicted damage.

"It isn't coming from any wounds." Morgana said calmly and devoid of any emotion, "I am… I was pregnant."

Morgause didn't know what to say, she hadn't had any idea quite how bad things were, "Oh Morgana."

"I can't do this anymore." Morgana whispered, her voice wobbling.

Morgause stepped into the bath, fully aware of the fact that her favourite Christian Dior trousers were getting ruined by her sister's blood. She lay beside the fragile girl and wrapped her arms around her.

Morgana was completely unresponsive to her. Her gaze glossed over again and her body became stiff.

"I so want to be able to help you." She stroked the tiny cuts on her sister's cheek. When Morgause had first come into her sister's life, she had been hard and determined, she used Morgana to get to Uther. Morgause's childhood hadn't been too dissimilar to her sisters; she'd grown up with even less of a family than Morgana and it had shaped her future. However once she got to know her, once she stopped using her little sister as a pawn in the giant chess game of business in which she was the white queen and Uther the red king, "We should get you to hospital."

Morgana's lips parted. After a few moments she decided to respond, "Isn't that a bit late?"

"There's not just the… you know," she said uncomfortably, "There's all of this glass too. You broke the mirror." She stated.

"I realise that." Morgana replied, still looking fairly catatonic, "I don't want to go to the hospital."

"I know Honey." Morgause sat up, "But you need to. We can't stay here any longer, you know that."

She moved her eyes to look at her sister for the first time since she'd entered the room, "Why can't I do what _I _want to do? Or does it just not work that way anymore?"

Arthur was sat just around the corner from Morgause's house, hiding from the paparazzi but looking through Morgana's window.

He didn't know what to do. He knew that he should leave, that he should just get away from all of this for a while to sort out his mind, but being apart from Morgana had always hurt, more so now than ever before. He wanted to be with her, he wanted to make love to her and kiss her better. He tried to get the images out of his head, but nothing would take the most beautiful moments of his life away, these beautiful moments that now seemed so ugly.

He had seen Morgause return to the house about half an hour ago. She'd be looking after Morgana, he was sure of it. He had never really gotten along with Morgause, but anyone could see how much she cared for her sister. His sister too, he reminded himself. He heard the chatter and general noise of the paparazzi pick up and he looked down towards the front door. There was Morgause leading her sister out of the house, wrapped in a blanket. Even from this distance Arthur could see the vast amount of blood. Morgana was struggling to walk and Morgause had to hold her up. She helped her into the car before rushing around to the driver's side and speeding off, nearly knocking aver a photographer along the way.

He wrapped his head in his hands, _"Shit! Shit!" _ he repeated. What the hell did he do now?

Morgana lay in the bed, completely ignoring the junior doctor who was picking shards of glass out of her arm with tweezers, trying his best not to stare at her.

"You'll need some stitches in your hand I'm afraid." He told her nervously, never having come into contact with a celebrity before.

"Okay." She replied, not quite registering nor caring about what he had said.

Morgause was standing by the door, leaning against the wall. The woman who usually had a smart answer for everything didn't know what to say or do, she felt completely lost.

The consultant gynaecologist, Dr Taylor, entered the room pulling along some equipment on a small trolley, "Miss le Fay, we're going to do an ultrasound now, just to check that everything's gone." She smiled sympathetically. When she didn't even get a slight movement as a response she asked, "Miss le Fay, did you hear me?"

She still didn't get a response.

"I'm going to start now." She told her as a nurse started to set up the ultrasound machine. She pulled down the blanket covering Morgana and exposed her stomach. She had recently begun to show signs of pregnancy, a slight bump being only just visible, "This is going to be cold." She warned before squeezing the ultrasound transmission gel onto her stomach.

Morgana moved for the first time, not flinching at the shock of the gel as it hit her bare flesh. Instead, she moved her head to look at her sister, making sure that she didn't see the ultrasound screen on the other side of the bed; she didn't want to see her empty uterus.

Morgause looked back at her, a tear in her eyes as she watched her unresponsive little sister. Where would they go from here? There was no clear path to recovery, nothing to say that they would ever get to the point where they could just sit and laugh together without a care in the world.

"Miss le Fay… do you know how much blood you passed?" Dr Taylor asked, turning the screen away from the bed. The junior doctor went around to look at it and whispered something to the consultant who nodded in response.

"A lot." Morgause told them when Morgana didn't reply.

"Miss le Fay… usually this would by good news, but under the circumstances… you're still pregnant."

Morgana's head flicked around, reacting for the first time. She reached over to the screen and the doctor turned it around for her.

And there it was; A baby. Her baby.

"But there was so much blood." Morgause whispered, staring wide eyed at the screen, wondering what the future would look like now.

"Judging by the size and position of the foetus among other things, I'd say that you were about eight weeks pregnant with twins Miss le Fay and you only miscarried one of them."

"No." she whispered, speaking for the first time, "No!" her whole body was trembling.

Morgause sat on the bed beside her as the doctor wiped the gel of her stomach. She couldn't even begin to comfort her, not when she had no clue as to what was currently running through her mind.

"I just want this to be over." She started down at the slight bump.

"I can book a termination for you, if you'd like." Dr Taylor offered.

Morgana looked up at her, such pain contained in her eyes, "You think that after all of that I would go through it again by choice?"

Morgause held her sister's hands, "I can't even begin to understand how you're feeling right now Gana, but you must know that you can't have this child."

Morgana snapped her hands away, "And why can't I?" she asked, her body becoming rigid and shaking even more violently, "I'm sick of not having any control any more!" She was close to shouting, "It's my body and my baby!" she threw away the quilt and tried to storm off, but the miscarriage had weakened her.

They didn't stop her from leaving. They could have done easily if they used their physical strength, but they knew that using force could only have a bad effect on her.

"Morgana, please!" Morgause called after her, but to no avail. She was losing her sister before her eyes.


	7. Returning to Despondency

**Thank you to Nicky, XXBestFriend1XX and Shazlin255 for your brilliant reviews! Shazlin's in particular made me blush! And thanks as ever to my beta Laura!  
**

**As well as for my reviewers, this chapter in particular is for those who have been missing Gwen!**

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**7. Returning to Despondency**

Gwen leaned back and sighed, _Home at last. _Of course she had loved Kenya and it had felt wonderful to be making a difference, but Gwen had always loved her home comforts. She was excited about seeing everyone too. It had been months since she had seen any of her friends, and other than Morgana she had rarely managed to speak to anyone in England who wasn't involved with the orphanage programme.

She hadn't told Morgana that she was coming back; she had been due to come back in a few weeks anyway to finish her degree in International Politics soon anyway.

Things had been going well enough at the orphanage in Kenya that she could sort a few things out before getting back into her studies.

She looked at her watch; She knew that Morgana was due to fly out to New York later that evening and she hoped to be able to have a glass of wine and a quick girly chat before Morgana carried on with her lavish professional life.

As the taxi drove her away from the airport, she looked through the window at the rolling green hills which, in a rather cliché way, really did represent home for her.

She was vaguely aware that the radio was on, but she wasn't really listening to it. Morgana had been keeping her 'in the loop' over the last few months with their weekly phone calls, and she knew it would take a while to get used to being surrounded by all of this information again.

It was when the name Morgana was mentioned that she sat up sharply, "Can you turn the radio up please?" she asked the driver.

"_Breaking News: Morgana le Fay has been taken into hospital. Reports say that they saw her leaving her sister's house covered in blood before her sister drove her to Camelot General. Arthur Pendragon was spotted at the scene half an hour earlier."_

"I need you to take me to Camelot General please. _Now_!" She felt her pulse racing a little as she grabbed her mobile phone out of her bag. It had rarely been used over the last few months. In fact it had been bought for emergencies, and this was decidedly an emergency. She found Arthur's number- no answer, Merlin's- engaged, Morgana's- switched off, "Shit!" she decided to call back Merlin, leaving him a message, "Merlin, it's Gwen, I'm back from Kenya. What's going on? I've just heard that Morgana's been taken into hospital, I'm heading down there now. Call me when you get this."

"You've not heard?" The driver looked over his shoulder at her, "About Morgana? I thought everybody would have heard by now."

"I'm sorry?" Gwen asked confusedly. She was used to the Pendragon's affairs being in the news before any of them had gotten the chance to tell her personally, but the way the driver had just spoken, it sounded like whatever was going on was very common knowledge. Wouldn't Morgana have rung her if something big had happened?

"Morgana and Arthur… they've split up. You're friends with them, yeah?" He had assumed this from the way that she had spoken on the phone, "That or a journalist."

"No, I'm a friend, I'm her best friend." She asked, _'They've split up?' _she thought;It didn't quite seem possible, they were the most genuinely in love couple she had ever come across. A week ago when Morgana had last rung her, she had seemed so excited and happy about the future. In fact, Gwen had never heard Morgana as joyous as when she told her that she and Arthur were going to have a baby. She had been the first person that Morgana had told… maybe Arthur had reacted badly to the news? She couldn't see that happening, Morgana had told her that they had talked about marriage and children in the past, and he had seemed quite excited at the prospect, in fact he had been the one to bring it up, "Why wouldn't she have rung me?" she wondered out loud.

"Maybe it would be best if I let them tell you…" The driver considered, "I'm not sure whether it's the kind of thing you'd want to hear second hand."

And now Gwen was even more desperate to know what was going on than she had been before. She knew how much people liked to gossip, and if this person was reluctant to tell her what she imagined to be fairly big gossip for her own sake, she decided that it was probably best to listen to him and wait, "Okay."

And then there was the question of why she was in hospital; it can't have been too serious if Morgause had driven her in rather than ringing an ambulance. What if it was the baby? "Please, just get me there quickly."

They arrived outside the hospital to find two television crews and a mass of reporters and paparazzi blocking the door. After paying the driver she pushed through the small crowd until she reached the entrance. The security guard recognised her from the summer that she had spent volunteering there whilst still in college. He let her through and directed her up to the private ward.

Half running down the corridors, Gwen stopped a passing nurse, "Excuse me, I'm looking for Morgana le Fay?"

"Yes, she's-" the nurse turned to point to the room that she was in, "Oh, she's there."

Gwen gasped as she saw Morgana coming towards them, looking like hell and probably feeling much worse, "Morgana?"

She stopped and looked up, "Gwen?" the sight and sound of her friend was certainly a sweet one amongst all of this pain, "Oh Gwen!" she collapsed in her arms in a flurry of tears.

Gwen slowly lowered her to the floor where she placed her arms around her, "Morgana, what's going on?" she hadn't imagined encountering this.

Morgana clamped her arms around her friend's waist, "It's all gone wrong Gwen!" she said, her voice getting higher amongst the sobs, "It's all fallen apart!" she looked up into her eyes.

Gwen had never seen eyes quite like it; Morgana had always had lonely eyes, but since she had gotten together with Arthur, her eyes had sometimes sparkled so brightly, looking almost unnaturally silver. Her eyes had betrayed her when she had tried to keep her relationship with Arthur a secret; both Gwen and Merlin knew that something was really going right in Morgana's life from that look in her eyes.

But that look was now gone. In it's place was pain and fear… her eyes looked almost dead. They sucked you in and made you feel like nothing in the world would ever be right again.

Morgause and some doctors came out into the corridor, "Gwen…"

"What's all of this about? What's happened?" Gwen asked as Morgana buried her head into her chest, not wanting to look at her sister.

Morgause didn't answer her. She knelt beside her sister and placed her hand on her back, "Morgana… please tell me what I can do?"

Morgana became rigid again, returning to despondency. The sobs disappeared and she was gone. It wasn't just the Morgana that they all knew who had just disappeared, the Morgana that Gwen had only spoken to six days previously, but any trace of a human being was just gone; she was like a shell of a girl, coma-like and catatonic.

"I'm going to take you back you your room now, okay?" Morgause didn't expect an answer. She slowly picked her up and made the short journey back to her hospital bed. She lay her down and pulled the sheets over her before kissing her forehead. It was almost like she was putting a sleeping child to bed. She sat in a chair by her bed and stroked her hair, lulling her off to sleep. Gwen stood by the door in the same position that Morgause had stood in only a few minutes previously. They watched her body slowly turn limp as she left all of her grievances for a few short hours.

After Morgana had sunken off to sleep, Gwen took a few steps towards the bed, "What- What is going on?" she asked, the distress very evident in her voice.

Morgause looked up at her, "I think you should probably sit down."

Gwen fetched the chair that was stood in the corner of the room and placed it on the opposite side of Morgana's bed. She reached over and picked up her hand which lay covered in tiny wounds, "So…"

"Where to start?" She looked down at Morgana. She looked so peaceful, but there were signs of the damage than had been done to her littered all over her ivory skin. She took a deep breath, and began to tell Gwen everything that had happened over the last few days. She struggle to put it all into words and found it impossible to get through it all without crying, but eventually she got to what was presently the end of her story.

Gwen spent the whole time open-mouthed in shock; it was almost incomprehensible, how somebody could do something like that, how this dream-like relationship could be so disgusting and how it could be shattered in seconds. Everything was shattered. She couldn't think of the words, there were no words in a situation like this, "How…? How does she pick herself up from this?"

"That's pretty much all that's been running through my mind for the last three days. The thing is, I'm not sure whether she can."


	8. Almost Unreal

**As usual, sorry for taking forever to update! I have no idea how long the next couple of chapters will take as they are yet to be beta'd.**

**Thanks to Nicky, Foxie Roxie and XXBestFriend1XX for reviewing!**

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**8. Almost Unreal  
**

Gwen looked at her watch, "Nine o'clock." She said aloud. She and Morgause had been sat Morgana's bedside for two hours now, but with the events of the last three days running through their heads, it seemed as though hardly any time had passed at all, "I thought that the visiting hours closed at eight."

"Paying for your healthcare can have its perks. I don't want Morgana to wake up alone." She had barely taken her eyes off her sister while she had been sleeping. Dr Taylor had told them that she would send someone down from psychiatrics when she woke up. Morgause doubted whether Morgana would speak to someone she didn't know when she wasn't even opening up to her closest friends and family.

Gwen looked up to see Arthur standing at the door looking solemnly down at Morgana. He didn't look like he had slept or shaved over the last three days. His eyes also had a dark look to them, though they were nothing compared to Morgana's. Gwen walked over to the door and placed her arms around him, "I'm so sorry Arthur." She noticed Merlin stood beside him.

"You're back? How is she?" he asked.

"Yes, and not good." Gwen replied looking down to the ground.

Arthur walked towards the bed, "She lost the baby?" Morgause looked up at him, "Merlin told me that she was pregnant."

"She is." Gwen told him, "She still is. She was… you were having twins, but she lost one." She had never been overly close to Arthur, she had always known him as Morgana's annoying little brother up until not long ago, and to be honest she had always found him rather arrogant, but then so had Morgana.

Arthur didn't know how to react to this news. He tried to imagine how he'd be feeling if they were still together, if things were still _right_, but he couldn't, "I… has… has she said what she's going to do?"

"She doesn't want to get rid of it," Morgause told him, "But at the same time I don't think she wants to keep it either." She was worried about Arthur being in here, scared that Morgana would wake up and it would just make things worse. She looked back down at Morgana,

Arthur had always liked to watch Morgana sleeping she had always looked doll-like, her beauty almost unreal, and now she just looked so fragile, "I understand that, I think. When's she being discharged?"

"We don't know. She might not be for a while yet. They're sending down a psychiatrist… she's had some sort of breakdown."

"I know." Arthur said forlornly.

Morgause's head snapped around, "You know? How do you know?"

_"Shit" _he thought; he had learned the hard way to never get into an argument with Morgause, "I… I," he decided just to tell the truth, "I saw her this afternoon."

Morgause could hardly speak through a mixture of anger and bewilderment, "Y-you saw her?" She stood up, "What do you mean you saw her, you came around to my house? How could you be so _stupid_?"

"I had to see her!" Arthur defended himself, "I hadn't seen her since we found out and… I'm struggling with all of this too you know!"

"I think Morgana's gone a bit beyond _struggling _Arthur!" She glared at him, her voice becoming increasingly raised. She was sympathetic to him, of course she was, but she couldn't let anyone underestimate how this had affected Morgana, even if no one knew the extent of the damage yet, "What happened when you were there?" she demanded to know.

Arthur turned and look out of the window. _How could he admit what he had done? _He took a deep breath, "The front door was open… I found her in her bedroom. She had broken a mirror and she was screaming at her reflection, picking up bits of the glass… She lay in it and… I took her to the bathroom to try and get out some of the glass… I… it's hard, you see! I still love her, I can't just stop loving her just like that!" He cried.

Merlin looked over to him, "We know Arthur." He said sympathetically, Arthur had already told him what had happened, and he knew that things weren't about to get any easier for Arthur.

"I… I couldn't help it… I kissed her and… and she kissed me back. After a few moments I realised what we were doing and…" he choked up, "And I pushed her way… she fell into the bath… she cried out in pain, but I ignored her… I killed my own child!" He looked back towards everyone.

No one was looking at him as though they blamed him. He imagined that Morgause wanted to tear lumps out of him, but she knew that she couldn't even begin to know how hard it was for both of them.

"It was just a horrible accident." Merlin reassured him.

He walked towards the sleeping Morgana, "I caused her physical pain and increased the amount of mental pain that she's suffering. I put her in here."

"She'll get the help that she needs here Arthur." Morgause looked up at him, tears in her eyes; it was her way of saying that he was forgiven for what he did. She wanted to blame him and scream at him, but that would in no way, shape or form help anything.

The ward sister came into the room, "Look, I let two of you stay here past visiting hours, but you're pushing it too far now. Please, you need to leave. Miss le Fay will be okay until the morning; we'll be keeping a very close eye on her."

Reluctantly, one by one the left the room; Merlin left first, closely followed by Gwen. Morgause kissed her sister on the forehead, "Come on Arthur," she gave an encouraging yet mournful smile, "We have to go now."

When they reached the door Arthur stopped and looked around, "I'm so sorry Morgana."

"You've never liked me, have you?" Arthur asked. He and Morgause were sitting together in the hospital gardens both of them reluctant to go home.

Morgause knew that home would mean having to clear up the glass and blood; she wasn't prepared for that yet, "Not really, no." She replied bluntly.

Arthur wasn't quite sure where home was at the moment; he had been staying with Merlin, sleeping on his sofa for the past couple of nights. He could easily stay in a hotel, but he knew that he would have just spent the last few days sucking the mini-bar dry. If it was possible, his encounter with Morgana might have had much more severe consequences if he had been drunk at the time, "You'll look after Morgana for me, won't you?"

She nodded, "Of course I will." They both knew that Arthur would have to leave Morgana's life all together if either of them were ever going to recover from this.

"What do you think she'll do? About the baby?" He asked, looking into her eyes for answers that she didn't have.

"I don't think anyone can tell what she'll do in regards to anything until she's got her head sorted out a bit." Was the best answer that she could give.

"I've always wanted kids. Morgana and I talked about it a few months ago… I think she was a bit freaked out by the idea if I'm honest! But I knew that she wanted it too." He laughed under his breath, remembering better times, "I don't know how I'm going to live without her."

"I know." Morgause had been through nasty breakups before where she thought that things had been near-perfect, but it had turned out all to be lies, so to some tiny extent she knew what Arthur was feeling.

"You will look after her? I've already asked that." He realised, "Has she been eating?"

She shook her head, "No, not really."

"Make sure she eats," He nodded. An image came into is head of his father giving their childminder instructions on how to look after them years ago, "I sometimes struggled to get her to even when times were good… well as good as times get with Morgana."

She furrowed her brow, "You weren't happy?"

He smiled, "Of course I was happy! She just… well you know her, you know that she's troubled. I don't think she ever got over her parents' deaths. I think she needed some sort of counselling even before any of this. I wonder if she was ever happy before."

"Oh she was," Morgause said instantly, "She was so happy with you… she was so in love."

He looked up across the garden at the window of her room, "I guess the question is, will she ever be happy again? Will any of us?"


	9. All Her Glory

**'Sorry about the wait! The final chapter should be up on Monday (I'll be without internet until then)!**

**Thank you to Laura as ever for beta'ing and to Nicky and XXBestFriend1XX for reviewing!**

**As a side note, I think that this is the longest chapter that I've ever written, so I am getting there on the length front! If anyone read my first Merlin fic they might remember that some of the chapters were incredibly short! I've slowly managed to build them up though!  
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**Here's the penultimate chapter!**

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**9. All Her Glory  
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After seeing the state that Morgana was in that night, Gwen had been reluctant to see her again; everyone who had been there that night had been at first, and they all felt so guilty for feeling that way. Seeing the destruction and pain surrounding her… their natural instincts told them to avoid distress**.** But that wasn't an option, not for them and certainly not for Morgana herself.

Months had passed since then though, and Morgana was bound to be a different person to the one that Gwen had seen the night of her miscarriage. She had spent the time between then and now in a clinic, getting the help she needed from some of the best psychiatrists and therapists in the country. Gwen felt terrible for not having visited her over the fast few months; she had refused to see anyone at first and Gwen had eventually flown back to Kenya. Of course she could have come back to visit sooner; as soon as Merlin had phoned her to tell her that Morgana was letting people visit she had wanted to fly back, but she was scared.

She built up the courage to enter the clinic, to knowing that she wouldn't be encountering the version of Morgana that she had originally returned from Kenya to see, or the version that she had left behind. After being checked by security at reception and getting her visitors badge, the nurse led her towards Morgana's room.

"She's been looking forward to seeing you. You're her best friend, aren't you?" the nurse asked. Gwen knew that she was wondering why she hadn't been to visit sooner if she really was her best friend.

"Yes. Has Morgause been to visit much?" She moved the subject of the small conversation away from herself.

"She comes every few days. The boy with the black hair comes slightly less frequently, but he visits most weeks."

"Merlin." She smiled; Merlin had always had a little thing for Morgana (but then so did most people who came across the beauty, men and women alike), and though he would never act upon whatever feelings he had for her, he was determined to always be the best friend he possibly could to her. He had told Gwen this once when they were incredibly drunk, though Merlin's teenage crush had always been very obvious to her, "And Arthur?" she asked a little less optimistically.

The nurse hesitated, "I think most have agreed that it is probably best that he stays away."

They arrived at Morgana's room. The door way ajar, so Gwen knocked on it as she peeked her head around to find Morgana sitting bolt upright on the hospital bed, her legs folded and staring directly at the opposite window, looking almost as though she was in a primary school assembly hall.

"Morgana? Morgana it's me, Gwen."

Her head flicked around, and was somewhat more alert than she had been the last time that Gwen had seen her, "Gwen?" Her eyes still seemed wild and filled with pain, but there was something more peaceful in them, and it was clear that she was pleased to see her friend. She turned around to face her.

Gwen hadn't known quite how she would react when she saw her, but she smiled when she laid eyes on the soft yet definite bump that lay underneath Morgana's loose blouse, "You look gorgeous."

"Thanks." She grinned, bringing her quivering hand to her stomach. She seemed jittery and nervous, "How have you been?"

"I should be asking you that." Gwen replied, walking towards Morgana and sitting on the bed next to her. She felt uncomfortable, but asked, "How are you feeling?"

"Better." She nodded, as though still trying to confirm that fact to herself, "Definitely better." She turned around to look back outside, "That night… I know it sounds horrible, but after what happened with the baby it was almost like I could see a way forwards. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Gwen thought about this, "I guess so… I don't think I could ever properly understand to be honest." She looked at her friend, she was nervous, seeming unable to keep entirely still. She looked so pale, yet she was almost glowing; she was a different person to the girl she had seen all those months ago, but the entire incident had definitely left its scar on her. The weight on her shoulders and the pain in her eyes were still very evident, but even so, she could see that this girl had a future, "You decided to keep the baby then?"

Morgana looked down at her bump, "Apparently so! No one was going to make me get rid of it Gwen, _no one._" That was it; a glimpse of the old Morgana in all of her glory, "It's strange, but it's giving me a reason to get better. I was a mess Gwen, a real mess, and I know that I still am, but I know that with time and with help, the professional help that I'm getting, I'm going to be an _amazing _mother." She looked back towards her friend as she said this.

A wide smile broke across Gwen's face as she saw a glint in Morgana's eyes, a glint that told her that one day things would get better, "Of course you will be." She wrapped her arms around her.

"I can see a way out… It's only been four months, and I know that I can't underestimate the effects that this has had on me, but I'm so willing to get better, and I don't think I was before the miscarriage." Although she always felt nervous and on edge, she also felt a strength that she never knew she had, "Gwen… could you get Arthur to come here please?" She asked, hoping that she was ready to do this.

"Are you sure? Don't you think it might be too soon?" she asked. Morgana was obviously still fragile, and she was sure that he could very easily yet unwillingly push her off the edge.

"It's always going to be too soon. I could put this off forever, but he deserves to know what's going on Gwen, and I think we both need to talk, now that I can do so… coherently? Is that the right word?" She clutched Gwen's hand nervously.

"I don't know, is it?" She smiled, "You seem so much further into the recovery process than you did the last time I saw you." Gwen didn't quite know what that meant; she knew that everyone didn't recover in the same way, "Merlin's been giving me updates, but I've still been worried that I'd find you in the same state that I left you in. I'm so sorry I haven't visited."

"You've had other more important things to deal with. I know that the charity wouldn't have survived these past few months without you; those orphaned kids in Kenya need you more than I do." She moved a hair out of Gwen's face, "I have missed you though Gwen. And as for the recovery thing, that might be partly contributed to the mood stabilisers and… other drugs that my psychiatrist has put me on," she said half-jokingly, being rather unspecific; when she had been put on them originally she hadn't exactly been taking much in, "Recovery doesn't quite seem realistic at the moment… I'll settle for feeling normal again though." She said positively, "And I think that point might just about be in sight."

"We need to talk about what's going to happen in the future," Morgana told Arthur objectively, sat across the table from him in the clinic's morning room.

"Sounds good." Arthur said nervously. He felt guilty when he thought about what he would be losing in Morgana's plans and he felt dirty when he thought about how gorgeous Morgana was looking.

He had waited for Morgana in the morning room for ten minutes; the nurses had said that she hadn't wanted to meet him in her room, "_Fashionably late." _He had thought with an anxious smile upon his face. And then she entered; a vision in white. Her long, raven hair flowed down her back and over her shoulders. Her round bump was clearly visible underneath her cream polo neck jumper. Her fluffy slippers were peeking out from underneath her white linen trousers, which ruined the sophisticated ensemble from a fashion point of view, but it showed Arthur that, although she's trying to present a strong and smart front, she didn't just mean business, not really.

"I decided to keep the baby, obviously." She let out a shaky breath, almost a sigh of relief, "Even thinking about having an abortion made me feel guilty. This baby was made out of love and nothing else."

"I know. I think I knew from the start that you were never going to get rid of it." He didn't want to ask about what his role in the baby's life would be, he wasn't sure that he'd like what he would hear.

She smiled at him, wishing that their relationship could continue in some way, "And I have named the baby that we lost. I'm sorry that I didn't…consult you about it." She had never thought that speaking to Arthur could ever feel so uncomfortable

Arthur couldn't explain why he was so pleased that she had said 'we' lost instead of 'I' lost. He couldn't just forget about how in love they were, and a part of him refused to regard it as being sick or wrong, or as anything other than pure, "That's okay. What have you called it." He cringed a little at 'it'; 'it' was just so inhuman and impersonal.

"Morair. Family traditions and all that." She attempted a smile as she wiped away a tear.

"That's beautiful." They sat for silence for a few moments in respect and in grief for the child that they had both lost.

After a few minutes he asked, "What about _this _baby?" He looked down at her stomach. He had always wanted to be a father, a better one than his own was.

She started to play with her sleeves, looking down at the baby, "You know, I never imagined myself as a mother… even when I was a kid, before my life got messed up, I was never one for playing with dolls, pretending to be 'Mummy'." She had unwittingly carried on Arthur's train of thought, "And even as I got older, I never wanted to bring a child into the world, not just because I thought I'd be a terrible mother, but for fear that it might have to go through the same shit that I've had to. I guess that should be true now more so than ever. And I can't quite believe that I'm already going to have to lie to it about its parentage."

"What?" Arthur asked, knowing in his heart that what she would say next would most likely be right.

"Imagine what it would be like for him or her growing up, knowing that it was conceived through incest. Society would never accept it. The family has made no public statement since my breakdown; I know that there's been rumours that I'm pregnant, but we've made no further statement." She told Arthur what he already knew. It needed to be said though for clarity in her own mind.

"I know you've locked yourself away from it all since it happened, but that can't continue forever… when people find out that you're pregnant… you can't escape from that Morgana." He had been living with these rumours, with the constant questions from strangers. He was glad that Morgana could get away from the intrusiveness of fame.

"I'm going to tell the press that I had an affair." She said quickly, biting her lip in anticipation of Arthur's reaction.

"You can't do that Morgana! You can't ruin your own reputation because of this!" He didn't quite know how he felt about this.

"You think I care about my own reputation Arthur? I just care about my child and what kind of life it might have. And anyway, Merlin's already agreed that he'll say he's the father." Again she braced herself for response.

His eyes widened, "What? _Merlin_?"

"It's not that ridiculously unbelievable Arthur! He's a good man. I wish we could say this child was yours and I'm sorry for denying you your title as 'father', I know that it can't be easy. It can't know though, not until its old enough to understand." She knew that one day her child would be angry with her, that it could split them apart, "Understand's the wrong word… I'm not sure even I will ever truly understand this."

"I don't think I can have my child calling some other man Daddy. I know that she can't know who I am, but…" His lip trembled, "Morgana I don't think I can be 'uncle'."

"I could never think of you it that way, you know that I couldn't. And rest assured, Merlin won't ever be Daddy, not in private. I know that the press might not believe us, but I don't care." She was surprised at how stoic she had remained during this meeting; she hadn't known how she would react when seeing him, and that was part of the reason as to why she had put it off for so long, but she hadn't expected to be able to remain so in control of her emotions. She knew she had been shaking the entire time, and that her entire body language had changed over the last few months. Of course she had wanted to throw her arms around him; the feelings that she harboured for him would never go away, she was sure of that.

"We're going to make sure that this child is happy, that for at least the first few years of its life it has no idea about what's happened." Arthur said determinedly, "It's not going to have the most conventional of families, but that was to be expected with both of our backgrounds."

"Conventional!" She laughed, "Remind me what that means again?"

It was a glorious sound to hear her laughter, a beautiful sight to see her looking almost carefree, if only for a few seconds, "You're glowing Morgana; pregnancy suits you."

Morgana's smile softened as she looked down to her bump with so much love in her eyes, "When she kicks… it's the most amazing feeling."

"She?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

She shrugged, "I dunno… I don't really mind. As long as it's healthy." She knew that there was a definite possibility that it wouldn't be healthy, though she didn't want to think about that yet, "You know," She said, deciding to change the subject, "I haven't played the piano once since _it _happened." She said it so casually, as if it was just 'one of those funny little things'.

"Now that I find hard to believe! You used to struggle to go for a day without it." He said reminiscently.

"You used to say it was my drug." She stuck her tongue out at him playfully, before realising what she was doing. She drew back and looked into his eyes, "Why did we have to lose this Arthur?"

"Dad's been trying to contact me. It's been hard to resist him for all of these months, but… I just don't know what I would do if I saw him." He hadn't just lost Morgana through all of this; he had lost his father too. He had never had an amazing relationship with his father, but it had been difficult to see his love turn into loathing.

"He came here once… look Arthur, I really don't want to talk about him. I never want to see him again and I'll take an injunction out against him if I have to. I'm just going to concentrate on me and the baby. I just want to know what happiness feels like again." She placed her hand on his.

He didn't flinch or pull away as he thought that perhaps he should, but together they shared a few silent tears for everything that they had lost of the last few months. It had all been blown away in an instant and it would take more than a lifetime to ever truly recover, but they would both have to get on with their lives that were now much more separate than they had ever hoped to be. They would have to face the press again, and one day perhaps they would have to face Uther again. Morgana would have to face the world outside of the little bubble that she had locked herself in over the past four months, but they were both determined to live again. Morgana refused to 'cover up the damage' as Uther had told her to, but she hoped to live her life out of the spotlight from now on, though managing that might be a challenge in itself. But they would manage happiness again, in one way or another.


	10. Fresh Starts and New Beginnings

**I'm so sorry about the wait, I know I said I'd get this uploaded by Monday and it's now Wednesday! I guess I ended up sticking with tradition and taking forever! In my next fic I'll try and break tradition by getting it all written and beta'd before I start posting it!**

**Thank you to everyone who has reviewed the fic, you've all made me feel very special and appreciated! Thanks to CasualTheatrics and XXBestFriend1XX for reviewing the last chapter and a massive thank you to Laura who, as well as making the fic much better with her beta'ing skills, has also given me a lot of confidence! **

**I'm thinking about writing some companion pieces, probably set before the fic, so watch out for those! After that I will attempt to write a sequel and hopefully they'll be worth reading! If they do end up being terrible though I'll try and write another separate fic! I have enjoyed writing a modern AU, so there's a good chance that will happen again! Okay, I'll stop rambling now and let you get on with the last chapter!**

**I hope you think that it's a fitting ending.

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**10. Fresh Starts and New Beginnings  
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Merlin could see why she had chosen this place to live. As he drove through the Devonshire countryside he considered how refreshing it was to be away from the city and the constant media attention that came with being 'Morgana le Fay's possible secret lover and father of her child'. Out here Morgana was away from pretty much everything. As he approached her house (after getting lost multiple times) he realised that she hadn't been exaggerating when she had said that it was in the middle of nowhere; green fields and a small wood were all that could be seen apart from a little farmhouse in the distance.

As Merlin pulled into the drive he noticed Morgana out in the courtyard, "Morgana!" he called as he got out of his banged up old Micra, "This place is beautiful!"

She walked over to him, the vision of beauty with a large smile upon her face, "Isn't it just? A far cry from little ol' Camelot!" she placed her arms around her friend.

"You look fantastic Gana! I know you've been told a million times before, but you really are mad moving house two weeks after giving birth! Not that you look worse for wear." He kissed her on the forehead and surveyed the beautiful old farmhouse before him.

"Now you're just being kind!" She laughed, "And I know how mad I am, I'm bloody _exhausted_!"

"Merlin! You're here!" Morgause came out of a side door carrying a bundle of blankets that presumably contained a baby.

"I was wondering where my little Goddaughter-to-be was hiding! Being the doting auntie Morgause?" He kissed her on the cheek before peeking through the blanket, "Oh Gana, she's so precious!" He had never been exactly broody before, but just thinking that this little tiny person had come from the people that he had known since he was just a teenager, it almost felt mad in itself.

"Isn't she just?" Morgause grinned proudly as the baby began to wriggle, "And so tiny! But I think she wants her mummy!"

Morgana took the baby back into her arms, "Gause, I leave her with you for five minutes and you wrap her up like this! It's not like she's going to freeze in this weather." The baking heat had forced Morgause into one of Morgana's light floral summer dresses.

"Are the others here yet?" He asked, resisting the urge to go ridiculously gooey as Morgana took off her daughter's blankets to reveal the tiny little girl underneath them with her stick-thin long legs and her almost unbelievably tiny fingers.

"Yeah, I think Gaius is making tea and Gwen and Arthur are trying to set up one of the spare beds." She smiled, so happy to finally have all of her friends back together again. She led Merlin and Morgause through to the lounge, "So this is it, this is home now."

The room was scattered with various baby items, "I swear she has more stuff than Morgana and she's only two weeks old!" Morgause laughed affectionately. Things had already changed drastically since her niece was born, and she couldn't feel more grateful for that; Morgana was determined to give her daughter the best life possible and not let any of her mental problems affect that. She had finally gotten the fresh start that she deserved.

Arthur looked upon his family. He was only actually related to two people here, yet he knew that every other person was like a brother or a sister or a father. He couldn't stop staring at Morgana, and he knew that he probably never would; both of them knew that they would never really be able to accept each other as brother and sister, but that wouldn't stop them seeing each other, bringing up their daughter together. He still lived in Camelot, but he would be down there most weekends to see them, to watch his daughter grow up and his sister grow better.

When he had seen Morgana just over three months ago in the clinic for the first time, though she had seemed so much better than before, she wasn't ready to be a mother, she wasn't capable to look after a child yet. She had been beautiful, and she had seemed confident, but he knew that she was just masking fears and anxieties that wouldn't just go away. Of course she still had these anxieties, she still struggled with life, but she was finally happy with who she was again.

He looked at her, lying in her sister's arms, obviously completely exhausted from looking after a newborn and from moving house. She held her hungry daughter at her breast, smiling down on her, finally looking so serene and happy. Her phone rang, and she left the room to answer it, taking her baby girl with her.

"You know, I want another hold soon." Gaius told them, just as proud of the little girl as everyone else is. He had watched Morgana grow up from a girl into a beautiful young woman and then a mother. Of course he had played his part in contributing to her breakdown, but much to the objections of Morgause, he had been forgiven by Morgana.

Evening started to draw in and lights were turned on, "Morgana's been gone for twenty minutes now, don't you think one of us should check on her?" Gwen asked.

"I'll go." Merlin replied, stiffly standing up from his position on the floor. He wondered for a moment why he was always the one who ended up on the floor when there wasn't enough chairs. He didn't know his way around the house yet, but after some searching he made it to Morgana's bedroom. He knocked on the door but received no answer. Of course it was entirely possible that she was somewhere else, but he had already checked outside, "Morgana are you in there? Can I come in?" He heard gentle sobs coming from the room, "Morgana I'm coming in now." It took him a second to find her, she had curled herself up in the corner of the room, hidden by her bedside cabinet. She was white as a sheet and shaking like a leaf, "Morgana, what's wrong, what's happened?"

Unable to speak, she gestured to her phone.

"Who was it who called you?" Merlin knelt before her. He tried to put his hand on her shoulder, but she flinched, pulling her arm away from him, "Please Gana, tell me who it was."

"Uther." She whispered, stifling a sob. She suddenly stood up, putting her hands over her ears, "I can't do this!" She shouted, near hysterical, "I don't want to do this!" she burst out crying and fell into Merlin's arms.

"I don't know what you mean Morgana." He struggled to hold her upright, so gently brought her back down to the ground, "Morgana will you tell me what's going on? What did Uther say?"

"That he wanted to make things right between us," She sobbed, "It's not what he said, it's just hearing him speak to me after all of this time."

Morgause suddenly burst into the room, "What's going on? We heard shouting!"

The others weren't far behind her, "Where's the baby?" Arthur asked looking around.

Merlin hadn't even noticed that she was missing, "Morgana? Morgana where is she?"

"What?" asked Morgana, sounding dazed.

"Morgana, where's Elayne?" He asked her slowly, staring her in the eye.

Morgana thought to herself for a moment, "She's in the bathtub."

The colour in everybody's faces drained. There were a few moments in which the five of them just stared at each other. Morgause and Arthur ran out of the room, they couldn't get to the bathroom quickly enough. They had never felt so relieved when they found her lying in the empty plastic baby bathtub, wide awake and seeming perfectly content.

"I thought I was going to drop her through shock when I was on the phone, so I just put her down." Morgana told Merlin quietly, confused at everyone's reaction.

Arthur came back into the room carrying Elayne in his arms, "She's fine."

Morgana wondered why he had said that, wondered why she might not have been fine. She wrapped her arms around her legs, and couldn't help but start crying again.

Morgause sat down beside her sister and placed her arm around her body, "I thought things were better Morgana, I thought things were okay now."

"My head's just so full of stuff, I can never relax properly, I just keep _thinking_, all of the time!" Morgana told her through the tears.

Gwen, Gaius and Merlin decided to give them some space. Arthur sat on Morgana's bed, cradling his daughter.

"Thinking about what?" Morgause asked. Half an hour ago they had all been so happy, but now it was like they were back to eight months ago.

"Everything. Me and Arthur, the baby that we lost, my parents, Elayne. I was so worried that there was going to be something wrong with her, something that they hadn't picked up in the scans, and I thought that worrying would by over once she was born if we found out that she was healthy, but it's not. I'm still scared, I'm scared all of the time. Scared about everything." She hadn't let anyone know how bad things were for fear that she would be put back into the clinic and have Elayne taken from her, but the truth was that she was struggling to cope. Her mind was a mess and she often struggled to think about things clearly.

"I'm so sorry Morgana," Morgause kissed her on the forehead, "I should have known. I don't know how we could have accepted you getting better so quickly, not after everything that you went through."

Half an hour later everyone was sat back in the living room, all of them in more or less the same positions as earlier that evening, but things had changed since then.

"Morgana, you mustn't keep things hidden from us anymore. We all love you and we want you to get better." Morgause held onto her hand.

Morgana looked up at her, "Better? Will I ever get better? I feel as though I'm getting more and more crazy everyday."

"You're not crazy Morgana." Gaius told her. And of course because he was a physician that meant that he was right.

"We're going to help you get better Morgana, all of us. We're all your family." Gwen smiled.

"It might take a while, but you won't feel this way forever. I promise you that Morgana." Her sister's eyes glistened with sadness and with hope.

Morgana didn't say a word. She laid Elayne in Merlin's arms before standing up and walking over to her piano which was sitting lonely and still in the corner of the room. She dragged her finger across the lid before staring at the dust that now covered it. Sitting down on the stool, she lifted the lid and brought her fingers to the keys, giving them the softest touch. Hesitantly, for the first time in nine months, she started to play. Her pain and anger and shear joy spilled out of her fingers, filling the room with the most beautiful knowledge that things might just be alright for Morgana one day. And that was enough for now.


End file.
